Sunday thoughts; Wandering round old churches and pubs.
People are already asking what will I be doing for Xmas. On the day itself I will not be alone but with my darling Paul, I will light the candles and smile at the christmas's we spent together never quite finding the right food to eat on the day. I will not be lonely for my son will come earlier in the month for a few days and then my daughter over the weekend before.
People are already asking what will I be doing for Xmas. On the day itself I will not be alone but with my darling Paul, I will light the candles and smile at the christmas's we spent together never quite finding the right food to eat on the day. I will not be lonely for my son will come earlier in the month for a few days and then my daughter over the weekend before.
We never made it a big spectacle, and I am happy in the knowledge that my daughter will be happy in her home with her four children at the kitchen table.
My fairly shy nature has made socialising a bit of a nightmare, in actual fact I am happy to think, to wander at will over old walks and with my beloved. Tears are always shed but they are not harmful, they allow the soul to grieve.
Some music will always make me cry, Paul would not dance but was the perfect centre in my life, a magical gentle being who had appeared late. Yes I rage against the illness the took him away from his beloved home, the last fight to get him home to die that I lost, but I treasure every moment with him.
So on this day, I remember the happy times, here at the Cat Pub in Essex.
And as a late note. Dear Jo called round yesterday with what looked like a very dead plant in a pot. It was a Japanese Anemone, a favourite of mine. She is small, talkative and great fun. She is the keeper of an old pony, a blind sheep and four wild kittens and a very tall husband who is a town crier - life still goes on!
Some music will always make me cry, Paul would not dance but was the perfect centre in my life, a magical gentle being who had appeared late. Yes I rage against the illness the took him away from his beloved home, the last fight to get him home to die that I lost, but I treasure every moment with him.
So on this day, I remember the happy times, here at the Cat Pub in Essex.
And as a late note. Dear Jo called round yesterday with what looked like a very dead plant in a pot. It was a Japanese Anemone, a favourite of mine. She is small, talkative and great fun. She is the keeper of an old pony, a blind sheep and four wild kittens and a very tall husband who is a town crier - life still goes on!
Just how I spent my first Christmas. Now I spend the day with three friends who have all gone through the same experience - but I come home early so that Tess is not alone for too long. Still, after almost three years, David is never far away from me either. We have our happy memories don't we - and I assume that like me you wanted the suffering to end and it did and we have to be grateful for that. Shall be thinking of you and of the many others who will be in our situation.
ReplyDeleteThanks Pat, like you I have Lucy to worry about as well, someone said to put her in kennels but it would be so unfair to her.
DeleteYour loss is shared by many. I have friends that now make their own holidays without their partner. We all will be there one way or another.
ReplyDeleteThat is true, but for the time being I shall stay at home Tabor.
DeleteGentle hugs to you, Dear One...
ReplyDeleteTomorrow and the next day I shall return to my normal self, but without any writing on the upcoming political show..
DeleteIt is the inevitable end to any long time relationship but doesn't make it easier. I hope you have a good holiday. I miss our times with the kids and grandkids but at least they are doing what works for them
ReplyDeleteWell my grandchildren are growing up fast an disappearing into the world bless them, but once the holiday is over we shall be returning to the light, though the months of January and February are often bitterly cold.
ReplyDeleteA difficult decision to make. So glad that family will be around before Christmas. I hope that the weather is conducive to some more walks for you, favourite ones that you and Paul and Lucy enjoyed.
ReplyDeleteBest wishes, very touching post.
ReplyDeleteIt will be your first Christmas without Paul. A time for peaceful reflection. A time to be kind to yourself and to think creatively about the year ahead.
ReplyDeleteThank you everyone, your thoughts are appreciated. X
ReplyDelete