“How much better to sit by myself like the solitary sea-bird that opens its wings on the stake. Let me sit here for ever with bare things, this coffee cup, this knife, this fork, things in themselves, myself being myself"
think I might have picked that Virginia Woolf quote up from Rebecca Solnit on Facebook, Rebecca was waffling on about how men condescended to us women when we are unable to carry out things like mending the car. But don't worry this isn't a feminist rant - I am past that!
It has been a weird two days and mostly to do with F/B. Yesterday I put an old friends name into the search engine, and there she was. From four years ago, there is no current news there, only like many others has she put her name out there for identification. It made me sad, for I had lost touch around the time of my divorce. She could not believe that my ex and I were to break up and that I had been so unhappy for years - so be it. I cannot imagine what her life is like now, I know her husband suffered from dementia but she was such a long way away.
Then from out of the blue another 'real' friend posted an old friend had died and in the photograph next to him was my beloved Paul. They had fallen out over a website and became ex-friends and it brought back such a rush of memories that it stopped me in my tracks.
I had asked Paul at the time, will you ever forgive? and he had said there is no such thing as forgiveness, and I had thought some Buddhist way of thinking and left it at that. But delved a little deeper yesterday.....
So, from a Buddhist point of view, we wish for others or ourselves to be free of any suffering as the result of our harmful actions. But no one has the power to pardon someone from the karmic consequences of their misdeeds, so there is no danger of an inflated sense of a holier-than-thou self, like a priest or a court judge might have, pardoning criminals.
Perhaps that explains it, part the deed from the person but do not judge.
To return to more current thing things. Lillie has sorted her collection of books and went off yesterday to scouts carrying a very heavy bag of some of them. She is getting ready for university, she got her offer of the college she wanted in London, so all four grandchildren will have gone to universities in London. I would add that I think there are probably much better universities outside London but the lure of the city proved too much for them. She is to study drama, Matilda went for journalism.
I don't mind a feminist rant. They make men think.
ReplyDeleteMost things can be forgiven, with a sincere apology and being given an understanding as to what the reason was. But this happens very rarely. Don't we all want to know why someone inexplicably suddenly hates us? We may have an idea, but it needs to be confirmed.
The lure of a big city still attracts this generation, as it did me. I have no regrets in that area.
"Mansplaining" Rebecca Solnit, is a gentle start. I suspect most of what we feel is down to emotions and the hate/love relationships figure most. Standing back from an argument and being logical is not really in the makeup of Westerners, but then I am quite innocent on the subject as I believe most of us spend a lot of time navel gazing;)
DeleteI am surprised that your grandchildren didn't opt for cooler universities than those established in the London money-pit. They could have come to Sheffield or Hull for example or even the illustrious University of Grimethorpe north of Rotherham.
ReplyDeleteI remember going to Newcastle university when Tom was looking around and thought what a good place it was. Totally intrigued by the rabbits marooned on the traffic roundabouts as well. I think the Northern universities are too near to home for the children, they wanted to spread their wings..
DeleteI can understand the lure of London. I have never lived in London but sometimes wish I had, coming from generations of Londoners. I am sad that it is now policy that great artistic institutions are being forced to move up North or be disbanded. The North deserves its own funding.
ReplyDeleteI worked in London for a period of time, it does have glamour but of course it needs money for the night life. Ben is the great walker and knows the place pretty well. 'The North' will come into its own one day, London has just become too expensive.
ReplyDeleteCongratulations to Lillie on receiving her offer from the college she wanted in London! It's a significant milestone, and it's exciting to hear about your grandchildren pursuing their passions and furthering their education in the city. Each of their chosen paths in drama and journalism sounds like a wonderful journey ahead.
ReplyDeleteI remember going on Facebook one time to wish an old friend happy birthday, only to find out she had died about a month before. I was sad we hadn't done a better job of keeping in touch. Now I have a group of high school friends and we meet once a month for brunch. It is fun to remember old stories and to catch up on each others' happy and sad events.
ReplyDeleteYou live in a protected world Ellen, and manage to take the best from it. Mostly we feel guilt for such things as missing someone's birthday but that is a foolishness.
DeleteForgiveness. It is a strange word. To me it depends on whether there has been any sort of apology offered. Has there been any sort of acknowledgement of wrong doing? If not, there is no reason to offer forgiveness.
ReplyDeleteBut if there is meeting of the mind, it seems like a kindness to say, "I too have done wrong and hurtful things in my life. I forgive you."
I also find it a strange word as well, easily used but truly meant I don't know. All actions have consequences and we have to learn to live with them. Once the action is out there in the world, the consequences are manifold - the ripples in the pond spreading ever outward.
DeleteForgiveness - such a huge thing, I think back to my first busbands years on The Death Railway during World War Two. He managed to live to be 66 and have a happy and very fulfilled life but he never for one moment forgave the Japanese and refused to have anything Japanese in the house. His dearest friend during the war was an army chaplain, Paul Miller who eventually became Queen's Chaplain. We met hime once after the war. There is no doubt that without him my husband would not have survived. He forgave to the extent of having a Japanese curate.
ReplyDeleteI understand your horror of what the Japanese soldiers did Pat but to a greater or lesser extent this is what soldiers do in war. I am not excusing them. But, as we see in the conflict between Palestine and Gaza, it is very wrong to punish the great majority of the people just because they happen to be on the other side.
ReplyDeleteyour husband survived because of the goodness of someone else, Paul Miller was religious and forgave from that background.
I was thinking as I worked, and you know, when I was young, I craved the busy-ness and the excitement of the big city. Now that I'm older, I am content to sit forever with bare things. We are all people aren't we? The cravers of excitement. The wronged. The wrongers. Those that crave solitude.
ReplyDeleteVery true Debby. Growing old or older is about finding peace.
ReplyDelete