Reached a low which is hard to come up from, but have been doing things for the future. Some of that future makes me sad, whilst the need to enervate myself into action is to do with decisions. My eyesight is going quite quickly therefore I need to move into a town. This means renting a flat somewhere and hopefully in West Yorkshire.
I shall be sad to leave here, the garden has all the trees, shrubs and plants which I hold dear and which I look forward to seeing each summer. But there are other plants to see and different landscapes to wander around.
The churchyard is full of snowdrops and the sun is shining today. Coffee to be had in an hour or so. Sorting out books. Well there is something to do, if I find reading difficult I can let go of a lot of books and reduce. Already those odd balls of wool have met their end in the dustbin and scraps of patchwork. Actually I like throwing things away, reducing the things we carry around in life.
I am sure this mood will go, funnily enough I had a nightmare last night, there was this large ghostlike figure hanging over my bed, bearded and wild haired, thought it was God for a moment come to rage at me;) All those year of atheism wasted for goodness sake!
So as we move into spring, things will be changing, and I must find the energy to see things through, and also find that funny slant to life which always sends me chuckling. The Scottish spat looks interesting - Sturgeon/Salmond. Does the future of the independence of Scotland rest on the squabble of two individuals?
Sadly, nobody tells us about this gradual decline of faculties and they tend to creep up don't they? When one is younger (even only by a few years) they are always happening to somebody else. My eyesight (and my ability to walk)is disappearing and I am in a dilemma as to whether I should sell my car. My trips into town by taxi would cost far less than my car insurance - but it is the independence. I do understand how you feel - and your sadness, for many reasons I am sad because we have such similar views - and those of my son, who feels the same - that we were hoping post Covid that we could meet for a chat.
ReplyDeleteSunny days ahead so at least we should all feel more positive. Love
Yes this fuzziness of sight came rather quickly, but it has hastened my plans, which perhaps is no bad thing Pat. I shall get rid of my car eventually and use trains and buses as my children and grandchildren do, not one of them drives or they could have had the car. It is sad about me not visiting you, but you never know, if there is a train station near you, I might pop up one day. xxx
DeleteDon't like the sound of your nightmare!
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure if I'm looking forward to my weeks in a holiday let, where my only possessions will be what I can fit in my car. I like having my own stuff around, but it will be interesting to find out how little of my own stuff I can actually manage with.
Yes it was pretty ghastly, the mind plays strange tricks. I had closed the bedroom door against Lucy coming in, as she tends to wander up and down if she can't sleep. I suspect we should look on life's changes as an adventure. Unfortunately, your house sale did not coincide exactly and now you must experience something new.
DeleteI think a lot of us are making difficult decisions at the moment.We are selling up and moving to be near our daughter.We have lived here forty plus years so it will be hard and scary.We will only be 45 minutes away so can come back to see friends.At the moment my OH is on a zoom meeting with a U3A group in the town we are going to.Hope they have welcomed him.
ReplyDeleteWe are trying to see it as a new adventure.I hope you can feel that your move will be too.Good luck.Barbara
Hi, Hope all goes well with the move. I shall probably be near Todmorden, so there is plenty to explore in that area and of course my family. Though the grandchildren are scattered because of Uni and work but still. Thank you for your good wishes.
DeleteDear Thelma,
ReplyDeleteIt is brave of you to write this post and we do so hope that in putting down your thoughts this has helped to look at things more clearly, and, perhaps, positively. We can all manage with less, much less and one of our dear hopes is that, post-pandemic the world will come to realise that less is more.
If only we can all be satisfied with the things that really matter and if governments would prioritise the health of nations above politics then, maybe, there is real hope for the future. Whatever, it is good to rationalise things when it is not absolutely necessary or requires someone else to do it. Taking control and making a clean sweep, in our view, can bring unexpected pleasures.
Nature is giving us the hope and promise of Spring. Onwards and upwards.....a step at a time...
Thank you for your kind words Jane, you have both burst upon the scene of blogland with such grace. Yes less is more and especially when you come to the last few years of life and take stock. In myself I am quite happy to live with the memories of a full life. And as you say we have the warmer days to look forward to. X
DeleteThere is something about meeting circumstances for the first, isn't there? no matter how practical and resolute you are, before practicality, there must be an acknowledgement of loss.
DeleteThis business of problem eyesight is daunting--I'm realizing that neither pair of my prescription eyeglasses are serving me well. Being able to read for hours at a time has been my life-long retreat from the stress of the day.
ReplyDeleteRe moving: I'm convinced some of us have a deeper 'sense of place' than others--this makes moving more of a wrench than an adventure. Still, as you say, there can be other gardens, other trees, other rooms with a view to the outdoors that we can learn to enjoy.
Hi Sharon, and also your lovely calm blog which I enjoyed yesterday. X
DeleteVery interesting conversation.
ReplyDeleteI combat failing eyesight with e- books where I can make the script very large. x
Audio books are on my list next Anne.
DeleteFailing sight must be a bitter pill to swallow Thelma - I hope that you will have prescription glasses helping for a while yet - it's not cataracts is it? Keith's had both eyes done and that makes such a difference. I am hopeless without my reading glasses now but the upside is I don't need them for driving any more.
ReplyDeleteI know how tied you are to your lovely Yorkshire home, with all the memories of Paul, and how difficult it will be to leave that all behind. At least you will be near your family in Todmorden and I am sure once you have settled into your new home (when you find it) there will be benefits and pleasures.
Failing sight is scary Jennie, it made me realise that driving could come to a halt fairly quickly and I had to adjust to this. This house is too big for one person and will eventually go to Paul's two sons. But unlike you I don't own too much thank goodness, so not really much to get rid of! This pandemic has of course kept us all in our houses and locality but come summer we should be able to move more freely.
DeleteSorry to hear about your "fuzzy" vision. I assume you have been to the eye doctor? I had trouble seeing out of my left eye and they discovered a tumor pressing on the optic nerve which was removed and now my vision is fine again in that eye.
ReplyDeleteMy oldest son lives with me so I can stay in my house for now but I don't think I could manage if he decided to get a place of his own. I look around at all of my stuff and wonder why I need it all! So more and more is being given away...
We should try to enjoy the here and now and not worry about the future but easier said than done! :)
Things happen as my daughter would say, and decisions have to be made. To be very honest I don't want to go through procedures with my eyes. I spent three months every day travelling quite a distance to see my partner in hospital. And I would rather not see a hospital again. What I need to learn is to be more patient and calm. So glad that the operation was a success. X
DeleteOh, yes....completely understand. My husband's been fighting macular degeneration for several years and has impaired vision. He also has severe memory problems. I'm in a battle again w/ breast cancer. Then there's Covid-19. I am the worry wort in the family &, of course, feel I need to have everything in order to help us live independently in the future. It is daunting. My heart goes out to you. Moving from (especially my gardens) home to somewhere new is another most difficult step but must be done. But you are a strong person - one can see that from your blogging. You will do well. Best wishes for your next challenge.
ReplyDeleteThank you for all that, I know that many people have wretched things to cope with, and you definitely have a lot on your plate. And I wish you the best to overcome everything. X
DeleteSadly no train station near - Leyburn Station is just on a "toy" line.
ReplyDeleteMy churchyard is full of snowdrops too
ReplyDeleteAnd now this morning according to the National Trust we must plant cherry trees to brighten this early time of spring.
DeleteFrom someone who had downsized twice already and is contemplating the third, just do it. Life goes on and what must go next time follows you. There are flowers everywhere in your future.
ReplyDeleteThank you Joanne, always to the point and positive, an example to follow!
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